Some flaws run so deep that you cannot see them when you look in the mirror. Sometimes you don't see it at all until you try looking from someone else's view. Even then you might not catch it. Thankfully I have an incredible friend that I look up to and love very much. She revealed to me a great truth that I have failed to see my entire life. I have been selfish. I had my heart set on something and when it was set on something I pursued it with every ounce of energy that I had. At times without thinking how it would effect those around me, someone else's feelings. I have been heart broken a time or two and immediately I turn to anger. Because I was being selfish. I wanted what I wanted and I wanted it at that very moment. I believed I deserved it or I had earned it. I was only thinking about me, myself and I. It's sad to just now understand how badly I may have hurt someone else's feelings or how I have treated their heart. Truth is someone as selfish as me does not deserve any heart and have in no way earned one. Now I can see why my heart was the only one that I was allowed to ever hold. Because I only cared for my heart. Maybe with this knowledge I have now I could have a chance at earning her heart but you cannot dwell in the past because what's done is done. Nothing I can do will ever change it. So I just have to pray that I can soon forget the feelings I have been carrying for so long and try to start over. Now my only goal is to serve the lord for two years. I owe him more than I can possibly repay him, and I have been selfish thinking about being alone and how it hurts and the ache of a broken heart but he was with me every step of the way and he was there to comfort me. I just needed to put away my pride and get my knees and ask for it. But now I understand and I can go and do his work. Glorify him to the highest degree and share his compassion with the world. I want to be more like my God. His love will always be with me and I cannot wait for the day where I kneel at his feet and see the holes in his hands and his feet as he embraces me and says welcome home, I have missed you and I am proud of what you have done. I will live a life that I know my God will be proud of. My love for him continually grows as I learn so much more and feel his hand in my life guiding me back to his arms. So to my friend, thank you. You deserve so much more than I could ever dream of giving you. You have brought me the greatest joy in my life. The gospel. You have shown me the light so I can do the same for so many others. Thank you for making me a better person. I hope your life is filled happiness and love.
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